time is not ours

I have so much to say, but no words. I have so many questions, but no answers. I have so much faith, but no strength. L I F E. What an absolute wonder. Full of so much happy, fun, great things, & moments...all the while full of so much unknown, fear, sadness, & pain. You can try to make sense of it all or try to wrap your mind around it, but as soon as you think you've got it figured out or that you are ready for the next chapter, you get thrown into overtime.

I almost had a lot of built-up hate for 2014. So much so, that by NYE I had a new tradition ready for us at the table. I rolled out my giant kraft paper roll, laid out markers & crayons, and wrote in giant letters across the center, "GOODBYE 2014!" With so much enthusiasm, hope, & expectation for 2015, I told everyone to write out all of the ugly things from the year. Then when we were finished at the end of the night, we would crumble it up and throw it away. I think I even joked I would burn it if needed! I had no clue that 2015 would prove to give 2014 a run for its money in such a little amount of time...

What started out as a great year full of so many good times and plans, quickly showed me that it can all change literally in the blink of an eye. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry I hated 2014 so much.. I'm sorry I made unrealistic expectations for 2015 to be "the best year EVER.." I'm even sorry that I'm sorry. I am just at such a loss. There is still so much good not only in the world, but our life, but there is also giant, big, ugly things that I will never understand. This was OUR year. We were in a sense "going to the super bowl!" This was the year we would both venture into building our "forever homes." This was the year we would make plans on expanding our families at the same time..after we traveled to some of the destinations on our list of course. This was the year we would learn all about chickens, gardening, and continue on our path for a "simpler life.."

But time isn't ours. No matter what job you have, no matter how much money you make, what car you drive, where you live, what you are for or against, what plans you make...TIME IS NOT OURS. One thing for certain that I have learned this year is that, time is all we have for so long...LIVE. LOVE. BE YOUR BEST. GIVE YOUR BEST. Don't give a silly year the title. It's up to us, EVERY SINGLE DAY. So there you have it. Learn from one of my many mistakes. Don't look at the years as good or bad..look at the DAYS. Days are a gift. Every single one...